It always snows when we say goodbye

And I watch you wilt each time she walks away. You droop with the pine trees, branches weighed down by freshly fallen snow, fighting against gravity to stay upright. “I don't feel full,” you tell me.

I know. You never do after she’s come and left you all over again. You’re tired of being tired, and stuck out in the cold. I know. You’re over the aching feeling in your chest, swelling when you see her face. I know. I’m done with it too.

It always snows when we say goodbye

So we pack the car in silence. Our noses are pink from the cold, and our hands shake as we fumble with suitcases and stray ski equipment. Snowflakes softly surround us, meandering down past tear streaked faces to the frozen ground.

In the headlights, it looks like nothing is falling at all. We are all trapped in midair, belonging to a night that smells like evergreen bark and deep forest, prolonging a moment you have dreaded and I have prepared for.

We listen to the sounds of her truck driving away from us. We watch as it passes by houses with string lights on porches and reefs on doors. I think she will probably come back some day, but you never do. This winter will be forever. The darkness will last for days, the snow will never stop falling. You’re scared you won’t see the sun again.

I say all this because when you shiver, I shiver too.

I say this because I have tucked you under a quilt and held you with tears in your eyes, while we sip on peppermint tea and try to laugh about how fucked up everything is. I say this because I can’t watch snow fall without thinking of you.

Without you, my world would be a frozen wasteland. My feet would be encased in ice, then the rest of my body. I couldn’t listen to Patti Smith, or wander through Riverside Park when it's nearly spring.

I say this because I remember one night in the misery of January when I came to your doorstep looking for warmth, and you stayed with me until all the hurt melted away.

It always snows when we say goodbye, so I hope it never snows again. ★

Talia Skaistis is a first year student from New York City, and she is planning on majoring in English and Environmental Studies. She loves her cats, bluebonnets, and listening to music, specifically Phoebe Bridgers and Adrianne Lenker.